The Benchwarmer Report
Since 1989, ’The Benchwarmer’ has been causing a stir with his weekly Old Brighton match reports. Whilst one of our most ardent supporters, he is also more than capable of being brutally honest and dishing out criticism to whomever he sees fit. In fact, previous requests to tone down his honesty have proven futile. Comical, scathing, theatrical and unique, he invokes the old Jack Dyer phrase ”for them” at the end of virtually every sentence. In his own words... ”The Benchwarmer was only ever meant to be fun. In the early days, when about three people listened, I used to amuse myself berating the umpires, the opposition, the crowd, the facilities, creating the archetypal one-eyed Tonner supporter. Everything was fair game. You could do that before we took life so seriously.” He claims since to have ”lost his edge”, but we don’t think much has changed. Listen at your own risk!
Listen on:
Episodes
Jun 24, 2021
Jun 24, 2021
7 min
Not even the Victorian State Government could not stop The Benchwarmer from delivering a long-awaited report. Although he was "denied his basic right to watch the Tonner" and could not attend the game in person, regular updates from "the big fella" allowed him to piece the picture together. And what a magnificent picture it was for them Douglas, as the Tonners ran amok in the first and last quarters, "leaving the Uni to revise their syllabus".
May 24, 2021
May 24, 2021
5 min
The Benchwarmer reflects on a disappointing 41-point loss to an impressive Old Xavs. Despite the loss, he was pleased with the performance of new boys Andy Doyle, Joel Crocker & Cal Wellings.
May 10, 2021
May 10, 2021
6 min
The Benchwarmer was in fine form in Round 5 as the Tonners secured a 12-point win over 'the privileged'. As usual, no target was off limits as he wound back the clock to rip into no less than the umpires, the opposition, the kit providers, the AFL, and his own fading eye-sight. The Tonners now sit top of the Premier ladder, with the Benchwarmer rightly pointing out that the boys look to be more 'connected' than ever, for them.
May 3, 2021
May 3, 2021
6 min
The Benchwarmer was very pleased after 'an immensely satisfying' victory over 'the purple' in Jack Watts' Old Brighton debut.
Apr 27, 2021
Apr 27, 2021
6 min
Are you there Douglas?
After 18 months, a pandemic & some back surgery, The Benchwarmer is back.
Back to his scathing best, he didn't pull any punches as he ripped into the digitalisation of The Amateur Footballe record & odd jumper numbers... for them.
Sep 2, 2019
Aug 27, 2019
Aug 27, 2019
6 min
Blustery conditions on the weekend evoked dark memories of our 2007 Premier Grand Final loss against Old Xavs, however, on the weekend the fortunes were in our favour, reports The Benchwarmer.
Aug 20, 2019
Aug 20, 2019
5 min
A proud Benchwarmer reflects on what was potentially the best game of the year, our Round 16 loss to Uni Blues.
Aug 12, 2019
Aug 5, 2019
Aug 5, 2019
6 min
The Benchwarmer reflects on an uncharacteristically one-sided clash with Old Trinity in which Seb Williams snagged 11 goals!